And Then There's Me
by Chandinee Richards
Summary: Kili knows he's no one important. He's the second son, the one expected to give up his life for his brother. He's the one who's always been pushed to the extremes. He does not smile, or laugh, or show any emotion. He believes it best for them. To bad Fili does not feel the same way.


**Fill for the Kink meme - . ?thread=12870077#t12870077**

_Fili is heir and so he is favorite in his own right, all best is given to him, education, food, attention- everything. Kili on the other hand is expected to be a "protector" and a man-shield for his older brother, protecting the heir of Durin by sword and body._  
_Kili is struggling with that, plus he craves love and attention that no one gives him since they don't think he will survive long enough._  
_He is crying himself to sleep every night, after watching Fili getting showered with attention - and even thinks of doing something bad, like hurting Fili- but stops himself, out of duty- and out of love for his brother- since Fili is the one nicest to him._  
_Just from that day on Kili is "broken", doesn't laugh, doesn't joke- becomes a shadow of himself, bound to fulfill his duty and nothing else._

_until one day Fili slithers into his bed chamber._  
_Kili thinks that this is one of his many duties to the heir - and prepares to give Fili what he wants, even if it makes him sick- but Fili is horrified that his baby brother could think so low of him._  
_Turns out Fili loves Kili most of all and is devastated by how Kili is treated- and has been nurturing plans of kidnapping his baby brother and escaping the kingdom once and for all._

**Disclamer: I don't own the hobbit or anything related to it...****  
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Kili knows he's not the important one. He's the second child, the spare, the one who will fall defending this brother and uncle before he even has a chance to live. He's the one who was pushed into weapons training earlier than most so he would be able to fulfill his duty, who's pushed his body to the extremes to become strong, stronger than his brother and his uncle.

Kili is the one who's watched his family grow up, happy, always smiling and laughing. He's the one who was pushed away by his Uncle and Mother, who received the sad, pitiful looks from Dwalin and Balin during their visits. He hates those looks. They're a reminder of what will happen to him. How there will be no great stories about him, no records to tell of his deeds. He'll forever and always be the spare, the little brother.

But there is one person, was, one person in Kili's life who loved him. That would be his brother, Fili. Fili was the one who held him when he cried, who rubbed his aching muscles after long training practices, who made the world seem like it wasn't as bad as it was made out to be. Fili was Kili's light, his hope, his only connection between him and his family.

It's Fili who he will hurt, he decides one day as he drags his worn body in from training. He's just seen his brother with his uncle, the two discussing something, which had Fili laughing. Kili couldn't help but stare at the two of them, watching, loneliness and betrayal stirring in his gut.

He doesn't really want to hurt his brother that much he knows. But the look on his Uncle's face, one of pride and happiness, it was too much. He wants to wipe that look off his face, for his uncle to feel the same hurt and betrayal he feels every day. He knows that the only way to do that is to get rid of the one thing that gives Thorin pride, his eldest nephew.

His plan is simple. He's just going to kill Fili in his sleep. The only thing he must plan is the time. He needs to plan the murder for a time when Thorin won't be able to catch him and his mother will not be home.

He chooses to wait until his Uncle has to travel to the Iron Hills for a meeting with the king there. He will be gone for three months. And, if Kili's plan works, he will return to find his heir dead.

The night before his uncle is due to arrive Kili slips from his room to his brother's. He is silent as he creeps up to his brother's bed, flipping open his knife (a gift from Fili himself, an ironic twist in this whole plot, being killed with the gift which was so happily given), ready to kill when he stopped.

Kili had forgotten about the board that always creaked in the room. He hopes that Fili hasn't heard it, that the other is deep asleep.

Luck, however, is not on Kili's side as the blond dwarf grumbles and turns to see who was making the noise. Tired blue eyes land on Kili's frozen form, and a look of confusion takes over Fili's sleep face.

"Kili?" Fili asks as he rubs his eyes (missing Kili flip his knife close). "What are you doing here?" he looks over his brother for a moment before smiling. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Kili feels blood rush to his face as he blushes. "No!" he protests.

Fili sits up, patting the bed next to him. Kili gets the message, moving to sit next to his older brother. Warm arms wrap around Kili's lean form. "What's bothering you brother?" he asks, brushing some of Kili's hair out of his face.

Kili shakes his head. "Nothing brother." He lies. Fili frowns at him, but says nothing as he lays back down, pulling his brother next to him. "Fili!" he gasps as he's pulled into his brother's warm chest.

"Quiet brother." Fili mumbles as he pulls the other closer. "Forget about your worries and sleep." A small smirk appears on the blond's face. "Do you wish for me to sing you to sleep?"

Kili frowns. This is not what was supposed to happen. He was not supposed to end up in his brother's bed. In fact, Fili was not even supposed to be breathing by now.

But there was still time, Kili realized. He could still kill his brother now and be gone before his uncle come home.

Yet, as Fili pulls him closer, Kili finds all his hatred and anger vanishing. He slips the knife under the pillow and wraps his own arms around his brother.

In all honestly, he should have known he would not be able to do it. Not because he is unable to kill, but because who he would be killing. He couldn't kill the only person who has ever shown him love and kindness. He would miss it, miss Fili, too much.

"Kili, go to sleep." Fili commands, stroking his brother's hair. "Leave the thoughts that are plaguing you for the morning."

Kili groans, rolling his eyes yet moving closer to his brother. His eyes close and he lays his head on his brother's chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Right before he falls asleep, a though enters Kili's mind. "This is what you are protecting" the thought insists. "Fili's happyness, his life, his love." A twing of guilt hits Kili. What if he does actually die before his brother? It is, after all, a very real possibility.

Then the answer comes to him. Distance himself. Make it so Fili will be unable to love him. Stop being Kili. "Protect him from the hurt you will bring" Kili grimaces slightly, thinking of his plan to murder his brother. He is dangerous, he knows that. He had never thought, however, that Fili would ever have to worry about his own brother threatening his life.

"I'm sorry." Kili whispers, an apology for his past and future actions. He receives no reply. Which is good. He would not have been able to face breaking his brother heart any more then it will already be broken that night.

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**Second part will hopefully be up soon...until then...reviews please? **


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